Pretend
by AriTheGreekDemigod43
Summary: Oneshot. Nico centric. An angsty sonfic based on Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne. "But for now they carried on pretending, completely ignorant of the world, and of the boy who watched them from afar, a pale hand on the hilt of his sword."


**Hello once again! Thanks to all who reviewed _ Colors_! And thanks to everyone who added the story to their favorites or followed, you guys made my day, seriously. So this one is kind of depressing but I was suddenly in the mood for Nico angst, so this came out. I've also wanted to do a songfic for _Nobody's Home _by Avril Lavigne, 'cause it fits Nico pretty well in my opinion (the lyrics are at the bottom).**

**Disclaimer: ****I don't own the PJO series nor any of its characters (no matter how much I wish I did), nor do I own Avril Lavigne's wonderful music.**

* * *

Pretend

He watched them as he hid in the shadows. He watched as the little boys and girls ran around laughing and screaming.

To everyone walking past the dark corner of the building it would look as if it was simply a shadow that was being cast by the bright sun in the early hours of the afternoon. But the shadow was, in fact, being occupied by someone.

The boy in question, a pale, olive skinned, dark haired child of barely fourteen years of age, blended in the darkness, regarding the playground with dark, troubled, sunken eyes.

He squeezed his eyes shut as if by doing so he could go back; be one of those little girls and boys, devoid of any worry, smiles lightning up their faces. Pretending to be princesses and princes, superheroes, wizard, pirate, aliens, among others, that they admired so much. They had no idea.

Just as he had once, they pretended, they imagined something that for them seemed surreal, impossible things. And they felt important, and special, and one of a kind.

Saving the world from evil witches and monsters and demons, becoming _heroes _in their own imaginations.

They didn't know the truth. There were no heroes, no victory, no happily ever after. There was no resolution, no "The end", no final success, no last battle, but they didn't know.

They thought one day they would meet their hero, that one day that amazing person that was everything to them would magically appear and take them on an incredible adventure, that they would become a hero as well, and everyone would look up to them with pride.

Just as he once did.

And they didn't know, that it was never going to happen.

So they were going to grow up, and go to school, and see the world for what it was. A world, full of people just like them, searching for a resolution, a purpose, greedy with power and happiness. And they would forget about the promises to help the world become a better place. And in the process of looking for their own happiness they'll ruin someone else's.

It was always like that.

But for now they carried on pretending, completely ignorant of the world, and of the boy who watched them from afar, a pale hand on the hilt of his sword.

His eyes closed once more as hid head swam for a moment, the irresistible pain and desire mixing together in a way that almost made him topple over.

Because they had _no idea._

Because he wasn't like these kids, no, that would soon have the world taken from under them, as if the lollipop they'd been so dearly holding was suddenly snatched from their unsuspecting hands. No, _he _was the kid who waited patiently for his greatly awaited piece of candy, and one day, he finally got it. But as soon as he held that priced piece of candy, it was snatched away once more.

* * *

When Nico found out he was a demigod he thought he had finally found his purpose, his mission, his quest, his unbelievable adventure. After many years of playing mythomagic, pretending the game was real, it finally was. And for once in a very long time he had _hope. _That he would be a hero, that he was where he was and how he was for a reason.

And then came Percy. He was, in every aspect of the word, a _hero. _From the moment Nico first saw him, carrying a sword effortlessly in his hand, surrounded by that aura of power, to the moment he stood in front of the council of the gods and refused their offer and set them straight, he was his hero.

It had scared him so much, what he felt for him. But he went on pretending it didn't exist.

Now, looking out at the playground full of innocent little children who pretended only for fun, and not for necessity, he could feel a cold hand of jealousy wrap around his heart. And he wondered, not for the first time, what was it that he did to deserve this. Nobody did.

And he was tired, god of Olympus, _was he tired_, about the constant lying to himself. Lying to himself about _everything. _Deluding himself, telling himself, that the burning sensation he could so strongly feel around Percy was rage for the part he played in Bianca's death. He persuaded himself that he didn't fit in Camp Half-Blood, that nobody would like him, nobody would accept him. He convinced the people around him that he had a crush on Annabeth; he almost wished it was true, it would be so much easier. He told himself that he didn't blame Bianca, he told his heart that her death didn't hurt anymore, he lied _so much_.

He carried on pretending, carried on knowing that in fact it was all true, it was real, and there, and beating him up and pushing him down.

He did love Percy. He forgave him, a long time ago. He didn't want to be around him, he couldn't. It hurt like Hades; that's why he wouldn't place a toe at Camp. He never liked Annabeth, despite how it was _obvious _as far as the Aphrodite cabin was concerned. Maybe as a supportive friend, an ally, but now it was mostly the hot jealousy that he felt when they talked about her. He hurt _every time _he thought about Bianca, but he _did _blame her, deep down, he did, and he hated himself for it. He _loathed _himself, for all of it.

So he kept on pretending.

* * *

After a while, on the late hour of the night, he sat in a bench looking at the playground, the swings moving slightly with the wind.

He remembers so long ago, a little girl and boy of olive skin, playing in the sand castle a couple of feet away from the swings. A lovely young woman softly pushing the swing, the little black-haired boy laughing and begging to go _higher, please mommy._

The sound of the laugher echoed inside his head in the dark night. The wind ruffled his hair, his long bangs covering his eyes, and he could almost feel his mother's thin fingers pushing them slightly away. Bianca coming from behind and ruffling his hair again.

The night seemed to get darker as he stood up, like dense ink, and he made no sound as he walked away.

He turned around a last time, raised his hand and waved slightly, and the midnight breeze turned cold as he turned around and kept walking.

And he pretended he had a destination. He pretended he was going home.

* * *

_I couldn't tell you  
Why she felt that way  
She felt it every day  
And I couldn't help her  
I just watched her make  
The same mistakes again_

_What's wrong, what's wrong now_  
_Too many, too many problems_  
_Don't know where she belongs_  
_Where she belongs._  
_She wants to go home_  
_But nobody's home_  
_That's where she lies_  
_Broken inside_  
_With no place to go_  
_No place to go_  
_To dry her eyes_  
_Broken inside_

_Open your eyes_  
_And look outside_  
_Find the reason_ _why_  
_You've been rejected_  
_And now you can't find_  
_What you left behind_

_Be strong, be strong now_  
_Too many, too many problems_  
_Don't know where she belongs_  
_Where she belongs._

_She wants to go home_  
_But nobody's home_  
_That's where she lies_  
_Broken inside_  
_With no place to go_  
_No place to go_  
_To dry her eyes_  
_Broken inside_

_Her feelings she hides_  
_Her dreams she can't find_  
_She's losing her mind_  
_She's falling behind_

_She can't find her place_  
_She's losing her faith_  
_She's falling from grace_  
_She's all over the place yeah_

_She wants to go home_  
_But nobody's home_  
_That's where she lies_  
_Broken inside_  
_With no place to go_  
_No place to go to_  
_Dry her eyes_  
_Broken inside_

_She's lost inside lost inside_  
_She's lost inside lost inside_

_~ Avril Lavigne, Nobody's Home_

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**I hope you guys like it! I would love it if you could review, and if there are any mistakes or if you have any recommendation please tell me (or PM me). I'm also open for any ideas or prompts. **


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